L O V E

Today, I had an epiphany. This was practically the epiphany of all epiphanies; and I had it whilst reading New Moon.

It’s no secret that I am a hopeless romantic to you guys because you read my love stories. Though in the real world, love and I aren’t even on the same galaxy. I guess you guys are wondering what my enlightenment was, right? Well, today I finally realized why I have an unquenchable thirst for writing romances and reading about them. I read and write about love because I don’t have it in my life. I produce love stories for two reasons, to take refuge in it incase I never find it and to produce hope that I might one day be Tara or whoever else I’ve written about.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter about not having a boyfriend, but I wish I did have one. I wish my life was exactly how it was in romance stories and movies. I wish I were that girl who gets kissed in the rain by the musician guy, I wish I were the girl who had rock thrown at her window to catch her attention, and I wish I were that girl who had the guy profess his love for me on a confectionary stand.

But then I don’t wish my life were like that otherwise it would all be over rehearsed and I’d know exactly what to do. And I like the element of surprise, who doesn’t? I want to write my own story, not something out of Shakespeare or any other romance writer. Ok, I find it fine to be kissing in the rain; but I want to be able to do something with that someone that no-one has ever thought of. Get it? Probably not. I don’t really get myself at the moment.

So how come I’m not going out of my way to find someone to date? Because I feel the best types of romance thing is the type that you don’t force and expect. Besides, going to an all girl boarding school really doesn’t help with meeting the opposite sex. Actually it makes it harder, especially with rules and stuff. I also have problem opening up. So when people first meet me they describe me as silent or broody. Or something along those lines.

I guess I’m in love with the idea of being in love. I don’t think I’m ready for love just yet. I’m not ready for the commitment that comes with it (No, I'm not going to cheat. But I'd probably wish I did.). Maybe I just need time to mature or something… I don’t know. Or maybe it's something you don't have to prepare for. Kind of like, walking. You don't prepare for walking. Well I hope you don't prepare for walking, 'twould be quite weird. Even for me! Anyway, back to the point. Maybe once your in love, it unlocks something inside you that just makes you automatically good. I'm no psyco-analysist; but if you do know one, do me a favor and ask them please.

What is “love” anyway? How would one know whether what they have with that special person is love? I was browsing around a forum today and I stumbled upon something someone said, and it was kind of weird because I wished what that person said wasn’t true. The person said that love was just a chemical reaction; and I know that that’s probably very true, but I wish love isn’t a chemical reaction. I wish love to be something more permanent than that. A chemical reaction reacts (which I guess is the sparks that you get with that significant someone). The chemical reaction then changes into a compound (which I presume as love), but what if the chemical reaction was reversible or weak so you could be displaced?

Who ever invented the saying, “love is just a chemical reaction” really made a good metaphor. But if love were “just a chemical reaction” then wouldn’t love be a lucky draw of collisions? I guess you guys don’t understand me. I’m saying that love has to be a bunch of collisions with other elements (people), you know… to test the waters. And once you find that guy, you have to hope your bond is strong enough to withstand any other element (people) or physical abrasions in case of a displacement

After reading that thing in that forum, it got me thinking how we’re always alone. This is probably unintelligible at the moment, but I shall elaborate now. When we’re born as babies, we’re born alone. Yes, our mother is their but they’re not undergoing the same experience you are. Some people then wonder about twins, but no twins (unless joined) comes out together. They come out separately with a couple of minutes apart. You then live your life… alone (but you do have people to share it with). Then you get married and share your life with that significant other/soul mate, until you die. And even that you do alone. How many couples die together at the same time anyway (If you say Romeo and Juliet, I might have to murder you. Romeo died first and then Juliet stabbed herself)? So what I’m getting at is that you only share fragments (I say fragments because no-body can be there experiencing the same things as you all the time) of your life with people. You’re not metaphorically joined to the hip like a lot of people depict love to be.

Anyway that’s about the only enlightenment I had on the subject of love.

On a lighter note I shall fill you guys in on my flirtation escapades during surf camp. Now I got hit on by three guys during that week. The first one was an Italian guy, he had his hair gelled up and pink cargo pants (who wears them?!). Anyway when we first walked into fishfry (fishfry is a Bahamian tradition where every Friday you go down and hang outside for a barbeque), so I was looking around at all the people who were there. Most of them were foreigners, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I was looking around and I saw him and I thought he was looking at my friend (which is perfectly viable because I’m not going to lie, she’s pretty and I didn’t have my glasses on so I couldn’t really tell – I just assumed.) so I was kind of snickering because it was so like her to get attention. Three hours later and I forgot all about the italiano in the pink pants. I was sitting down whilst everyone was dancing because I don’t do dancing. All of a sudden he slides onto my bench, at first I thought it was the Mark guy whom was one of the surf camp guys so I was all dandy with him sitting next to me. That was until he kind of caught me off guard by accident. I was thinking “What the fuck? This is not Mark!”. So I twisted around and saw the Italian pants guy with horrible feminine fashion sense. It was so obvious that he was flirting with me because he was like… (Actually I will give you guys the whole dialogue. If you want to make it extra funnier or reenact it better give the guy an Italian accent. )
Him: Hello
Me:…Hi.
Him:… So, where are you from?
Me: Nassau
Him: What is that?
Me: An island…
Him: Oh, do you go to school there?
Me: No, I go to school in England.
Him: Very Cool, I used to go to school there when I was twenty five.
Me: **Nods Slowly** (Hey! I was talking to a 30 year-old. I think.)
Him: (After a long moments of silence) I will see you around, bye.
Me: ** Nods**
Ever since then I’ve been known in the surf camp as the girl that took one-liners to a whole new level. I guess I’m brutal when it comes to displaying my disinterest.

After that, there was a midget guy who was trying to convince me to dance. But, I knew better as before he was practically dry humping one drunk woman. So I refused. I guess he had never heard someone say “No” to him, because he kept making eyes at me. I just gave him a smile to be polite.

Anyway, the last of my flirtations came from a guy who was kind of like a Mark Wahlberg looke-a-like. He was okay looking and all, but I’m not much of a great flirt anyway. So I decided to keep my mouth shut as my friend talked the whole way through. He was like “You guys are really good surfers!”. Anyway, that’s not the funny part. He kept on chatting away until he eventually came up to the topic of how the water was so powerful that his pants came off! And as proof, he started waving his board shorts at us! He was in his damn boxers in the damn sea! We looked at him and then we looked at each other, and kept on resuming with our childish game of diving into the surf. Tom, the surf instructor saw all this and he was like “CJ, Kris come here!” he screamed. He saw the whole thing! And everyone was laughing at the Mark Wahlberg look-a-like.

So that was three guys that were officially flirting with me, or us. Then there was one guy that had said he would “Hook-up with” me. Which I have to say… I was quite chuffed about. Anyway… I should have realized the signs, I mean that he liked me and all. He even named his fucking surfboard after me! I should’ve seen it all along. Man! I’m so oblivious. Maybe I should’ve made a move… Nah, better not. There would be no point; we were going to leave in a week anyway.

Yeah, so that was my lovescapade for that week. Now you guys know, that even though I don’t have a boyfriend I still have game! And I didn’t even need a slutty skirt! Well actually I did have a bikini on when the Mark Wahlberg man took his pants off…

More Later
Take from this what you will:
CJ.